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7 Ways to Squelch Holiday Squabbles Etiquette expert Peggy Post shares tips for a harmonious holiday season.
Do the holidays send you running for antacids, not because of too much food ... but because of too much family? This year, try replacing the Tums with a peacekeeping plan. According to Peggy Post, author of the 17th edition of Emily Post's Etiquette, would-be holiday peacekeepers should arm themselves with the fundamentals of etiquette, "consideration, respect, and honesty." Post shared the following tips for promoting harmony at family gatherings. [Summarized version, for full version, please go to www.webmd.com 1. Be Realistic Set aside idealized images of how things should go. "Be realistic," she says. "Don't think anything is going to be perfect." Psychologist Peter Wish, PhD, agrees that expectations are key. "know that people tend to get on each other's nerves and push buttons that can go all the way back to childhood." "You don't need to respond the way you did before." 2. Anticipate Conflicts "Plan a response in advance. Avoid the knee-jerk reactions. One strategy is to signal your spouse to run interference. Decide how you will handle bickering among other family members. Wish suggests separating "the combatants" and asking them to call a truce for the common good. 3. Share the Work A solution is to ask relatives to help with the cooking instead of bringing gifts. "Then it does not fall on one person's shoulders economically or physically. Get very specific when telling people what to bring. This goes for serving and clearing, as well as cooking. She suggests assigning tasks ahead of time so everyone will know when and how they are supposed to help. 4. Define 'On Time' "Being on time is really respecting other people's time," Post says. "Communicate about what 'on time' means to you. It means different things to different people." Post also advises to call if you're running late and check with the host first if you plan to arrive early. Don't assume people will come early to help unless you ask them directly. 5. Avoid Re-Gifting "You don't have to break the bank for a really nice gift," Post says. "The key is to find something the person will really like. Stay away from re-gifting, because people's feelings will be hurt" if the gift seems too generic (or if they recognize it from last year). When receiving gifts, Post says to apply the principle of "benevolent honesty." If you don't like a present, find something nice to say about it without lying. "Always be appreciative and thank the person up front." 6. Avoid Awkward Surprises It's a familiar dilemma for many families: What do you do if your parents (or in-laws or close friends) are divorced and don't get along, but you want to invite them both? "Sometimes you have to have separate celebrations for the sake of family harmony," Post says. But if you're set on having everyone together, run it by the ex-spouses first. "Tell them to be on their best behavior and put aside their differences at holiday time," Wish says. "If they start to act up, pull them aside and tell them it's unacceptable." 7. Be Inclusive If your family includes people of different religions or ethnicities, Post suggests including traditions that will make everyone feel welcome. Wish agrees that honoring your relatives' traditions can promote harmony at holiday gatherings. "Don't let people feel left out," he says. "Have something there that celebrates for everyone." Originally published Nov. 7, 2005. Medically updated November 2006.
Newsletter Brought To You By Center for Videoscopic & Laser Surgery, Inc. Dr. J. Barry McKernan 2001 Professional Pkwy, Suite 110 Woodstock, GA 30188 |
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